In the news recently was a story about a Japanese woman in her 50s who has given birth to her own grandchild. Her daughter could not become pregnant, having had her uterus removed due to cancer. Although surrogate motherhood is frowned upon in Japan, the woman agreed to in vitro fertilization to help her daughter and her son-in-law have their own child.

Woman Gives Birth to Grandchild

More and more women in the US are experiencing their first pregnancy after 40 and the number of women having babies in their 50s is increasing. Some, like the woman in Japan, are acting as surrogates and having children for their daughters. Still others are having their own children, taking advantage of the latest advances in fertility techniques and in vitro fertilization.

But the dangers and risks of pregnancy increase with the age of the mother, and there are other factors to consider for both the mother and child. How old will the mother be when the child starts school, graduates or has children of his or her own?

Dr. Phil has an article on pregnancy and child-rearing in later life at his website. It neither discourages nor encourages but sets out the facts for those considering a pregnancy in later life.

Having a Baby in Later Life

Increasingly, women in midlife are experiencing divorce and surprisingly, about 66% of midlife divorces are intitiated by the woman. Boomer women are more independent than women of their mother’s generation, often having worked in careers for much of their adult life. The children are grown or mostly grown and although they may have thought about divorce for up to ten years, it is often as they approach their fifth decade that women finally decide to end an unsatisfying marriage.

Getting back into the dating scene is something else altogether. Loneliness is a great fear for women facing divorce in midlife, but many felt lonely during their years of marriage and soon begin to enjoy their new, independent lives. Women tend to have a circle of close friends, and this assuages the loneliness. Still, at some point, both men and women after divorce will consider dating and perhaps, remarriage.

The good news is that according to a survey done by the AARP, most are finding love and happiness after divorce.

During the throes of a difficult divorce, it’s easy to assume that love will never resurface. But it does. The survey found that more than 75 percent of women in their 50s enjoyed a serious, exclusive relationship after their divorce—often within two years. And 81 percent of men in their 50s did the same. In fact, 26 percent of all respondents were dating before their divorce was final.

Read more about the survey at the AARP website.

Everyone, whoever they are, says that finding your passion is the key to enjoying a fulfilled and peaceful life.  Finding your passion, apparently, can even bring you spiritual fulfillment.  I’ve been mulling that about.  As a widow, a mom, and a full-time writer, I don’t have a lot of spare time.  Finding my passion?  Perhaps I should make my passion sleep!  The reality is that I have to stay organized beyond the capability of a drill sergeant in order to keep my life, and my kid’s lives, going forward, rather than stalling or worse yet, going backwards.

I think, upon mulling this around while I went down and changed the laundry loads around, that passions are perhaps not well defined in our lives.  Passion is NOT the cover of a romance novel; although that wouldn’t hurt every so often.  Passion ARE the driving forces of our lives.

Notice I put that in the plural.  Passions can come in several categories:

• Relationships
• Careers
• Hobbies
• Our Secret Dreams

This all reminds me of what my late husband used to say.  He believed that if you kept your priorities straight, everything in life would just “work out.”  He was right. 

1. He said first you keep your relationship with God right.  Without your belief in whatever you believe in, the foundation is shaky and everything falls apart.
2. The second priority was your marriage.  After your relationship with God, he felt nothing was more important than the love between a husband and wife.
3. Your children.  That pretty much speaks for itself.  If you have children, then they are your passion whether you realize it or not.
4. Careers was his third choice although he vacilated between this one and the next one.  He felt that if you spent so much of your life, as we do at work, and hated it, it would be a miserable experience for everyone.  He was right.  He made a career change because of it and he was a much happier man.
5. Extended family was his fourth choice (or sometimes third - depending on the day).  That would be an adult’s siblings, grandchildren and other family members.  He often saw that people put extended family above their own children and marriage and the results were always disasterous.
6. Hobbies were his final choice and that included what he would have considered his passions.  Whether it is woodworking, auto-racing, gardening… these are last, but they are no less of a passion.

So this is the Floyd-Driven List of Passions and Priorities.  I agree with him.  I like the order and I have seen it in action.  And I try to continue that as my plumb line for living today without him here. 

But I have found another passion.  One perhaps he didn’t think about, or maybe is exclusive to women.  After all men are from Mars…

Your Secret Dreams.  Don’t lump them in with hobbies.  Make them a top priority after the kids go to bed, the hubby is reading or sleeping, the family is quiet… just don’t set them aside.  If you want to write a book, do it.  Get out a notebook or a word processor and do it.  If you want to dance, take a class, or wait for everyone to leave the house and “dance like nobody is watching.”  Or if you want to do what I am doing, learn to play the violin.  I am determined to not die without playing my violin and playing it fairly well.

Either way I win on that one.  I’ll either live forever and have time to do all the other things I want to do, or I will die knowing the violin and I became one and I learned to make it sing.  My Secret Dream.

Adelle Tilton

To me she will always be, at least on the screen, Bob Newhart’s receptionist, secretary, and Girl Friday.  Marica Wallace was one of the best reasons to turn on the original Bob Newhart Show, back in an era when sit-coms actually made you laugh.  But Marcia is much more than that; she is a breast cancer survivor and a woman who redefined herself after being widowed.  She also lives on the stronger side of a nervous breakdown, and knows all about being a “menopausal” mom.  She has conquered a weight problem and a hard childhood.  In short, Marcia Wallace is a survivor, and she is going to be online July 11th to talk about her life.

The Spirited Woman Circle is conducting a series of interviews with women that have brought the best, and worst, of their experiences to bear in creating their lives.  Along with Marcia, over a series of weeks, Rochelle Krich, Fannie Flagg, and The Saucy Sisters will be interviewed through a telephone interview that you can listen in on. 

Rochelle Krich is the author of 14 novels, including Where’s Mommy Now? which was adapted to a television movie, Perfect Alibi.  Fanny Flagg is an actress, author, broadway star… and generally famous redhead.  I especially love her creation, Fried Green Tomatoes - if you haven’t read it, do.  You will love it.  And get the movie too because it is marvelous.  The Saucy Sisters are known for their lectures and books on wine - including, and maybe especially, their newest idea, the wine diet. 

Each of these teleseminars are $15.00 each but if you buy all four, you pay only $55.00.  You can pay with a major credit card or through PayPal so it is accessible to all.  It is a great investment for the woman looking for motivation and hearing about success “against all odds.”  We can succeed if we have the motivation, proper tools, and role models to get us there.  The Spirited Woman has gone out of their way to bring us seminars that will bring much of that valuable information to you.

Spirited Woman Circle Teleseminars

The Spirited Woman