A recent survey conducted by Harris Interactive asked 2000 married men and women ages 40 - 70 what was most important in a relationship - health, money or sex. Not surprisingly, sex won with 84%. But half of those who rated sex as the most important aspect of the relationship said they were unsatisfied with their own intimate physical and emotional relationships.

I say it is not surprising because if one stops to consider the survey question and the possible choices, it is only natural that most respondents chose sex. Why?

Because what they really wanted to choose was compatibility and friendship, communication and intimacy. But they weren’t given that choice, so they chose the one aspect of a relationship that employs those things.

It is in this way that surveys and statistics can be arranged to say pretty much anything the survey-taker wants them to. I doubt it would have mattered much if the respondents had answered money or health. Those would make sensational headlines too. “Baby Boomers More Interested in Money than Intimacy”, or how about “Baby Boomers Lose Interest When Spouses Fall Ill”?

Financial woes can put a great strain on a relationship as can ill-health. But they don’t destroy strong relationships where an intimacy of a deeper nature exists. Neither do sexual issues. Men and women both want deeper and more satisfying physical and emotional intimacy, according to the survey. The problem is that the survey lumps all intimacy under the word “sex” and concludes that sex is the most important aspect of a relationship to baby boomers.

I guess you would have to say - I disagree.

Key To Boomer Relationship? - Burlington Free Press

Sexuality doesn’t cease after fifty but women do experience physiological changes that may alter their sex lives. The key to remaining sexually active is knowing what changes to expect and how to adjust to them.

Lower levels of estrogen and progestin that cause the symptoms that women experience during menopause - hot flashes, for instance - also result in thinning of the vaginal walls and reduced secretions during sexual activity. There are products that will remedy vaginal dryness, so ask your pharmacist.

What menopause doesn’t do is affect your sexual desire. Women who are menopausal do not suddenly lose interest in sex. If you are menopausal, talk to your doctor about hormone replacement therapy. If your doctor agrees that HRT is right for you , it can lessen the effects of menopause and relieve some of the symptoms.

New research has shown that women affected with migraines have a higher than normal desire for sex.  Now, I am no expert, but this doesn’t make sense to me.  Or actually it does, but not in the way the study is intending.  First of all, I would like to mention that we have no way to actually measure sexual desire.  This is a purely subjective thing; so if a person in a study says they feel they have more sexual desire than the average person, who’s to say?  I don’t want to even think about whether or not they had to prove it!

But moving swiftly along, the study does claim that this may be part of a constellation of symptoms found in women with migraines.  (Actually the study was both regarding men and women but since more women have migraines than men by a long shot, allow me to use the feminine pronoun in this discussion.)  The average age of the people in this study was 24 and 90% were unmarried; I would think that the high single rate might have skewed the results some, but again, who am I to say?

“We discovered that migraine subjects reported higher levels of desire than tension-type headache counterparts,” the lead researcher said. “It seems as if the migraine subjects knew this already. When asked to rate their level of sex desire, they thought they had more than other people.”
MedicineNet

Apparently this research isn’t new.  In the 17th century a physician reported a “robust” sexual appetite in a female patient who suffered terribly from migraine patients.  One can only wonder how often she “needed” to see said physician.  But the trend has continued and has now become known as the “Couch Effect.” 

Get your mind out of the gutter!  This is a serious conversation.  And I am a brain surgeon on weekends. 

The Couch Effect (this guy really really should have changed his name) refers to one Dr. Couch, who has discovered that one good… well, one intense… I just can’t say this.  I am quoting (and laughing my fool head off at this whole thing.)

“She (Dr. Couch’s patient) said, ‘If I can just have a good, banging orgasm, it can stop my migraine cold. But my husband just divorced me. I don’t need a pill; I just need a phone number,’  It appears that for a small group of people who suffer migraines — perhaps 20% — one physiologic process — orgasm — will turn off another physiological process — migraine,” Couch says. “I followed up with this for some years. I always came up with the same thing: The occasional patient’s migraine would go away after orgasm.”
MedicineNet

This strikes me as the same thing as getting relief from a broken leg by slamming your hand in the car door.  Well maybe not quite the same.  I am sure the car door would not be pleasant at all.  And it has been awhile for me; sex or the car door being slammed on my hand, but I have had migraines (actually diagnosed - I get maybe a couple in a year) and I have to honestly say that the LAST thing on my mind would be any kind of intimate interaction. 

Severe migraines are disabling.  They cause visual disturbances and can go from mind bending nausea to vomiting in a matter of seconds.  This can go on for several days.  The pain is unbelievable.  In a full-blown migraine, the pain is so intense that people have been known to hallucinate.  Some have ended their own lives just to stop the pain.

I have seen perfectly rational adults literally brought to their knees screaming because of the agony.  I have watched helplessly as my own son has had them completely undo his perception of the world.  I have seen them ruin jobs, relationships, and leisure time.  How many vacations have been cancelled due to migraines?  I wonder if anyone knows those statistics?  How many people have lost jobs?  Had failed marriages because of the attacks of head pain that were totally unpredictable?

We can laugh at this study.  I certainly did.  And the poor doc with the name of Couch.  But I wonder how much more harm a study like this does for the migraine sufferer than looking at the biological markers within the brain of a person in the throes of a migraine.  Whether or not a person’s sex drive is higher or lower isn’t going to advance the research to find relief and in many ways, I find it quite insulting to those who live with this not-so-funny at all condition.

Migraine Sufferers: Are They Sexier?