One technique that has become popular in journaling circles is rewriting past life experiences. I have heard that psychologists use this technique as well. The theory is that by rewriting the past, at least the parts we are not happy with, we can heal. I don’t think this is such a great idea. Perhaps like Captain Kirk said in one of the Star Trek movies, “I need my pain.” If we take away our pain, are we taking away part of what makes us who we are?

I understand the principle behind this practice. In the instances of abuse, physical violence, or a traumatic event, recreating the past and having it end better could have its therapeutic uses. I can see how it would be very helpful for people with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) deal with the unwanted and untimely recollection of events that were devastating.

But aren’t we a sum of all of our experiences? I have had some traumatic experiences - some I dearly wish could have ended differently. I think about what I might have given to have had those circumstances changed, and I shudder inside. The price may have been high but at the time, I would have paid it.

And as I look back, I see that those experiences have made me who I am today. Yes perhaps I have memories that are so painful I can’t look them full in the face yet. And yes, I am sure that there are things that had they not happened I would be happier, healthier, and more secure. But those things were part of the weavings of my life and to say they should not have happened, or should have ended differently, is a little bit like playing God. A little bit more than I am comfortable with, at any rate.

I believe that writing down our experiences and changing the outcome is only putting a facade on our lives. I think that doing so, changes us even more and it is not a positive change because it isn’t reality. Learning to cope and understand, as much as we are able to understand, what these sad or painful experiences have to teach is what being human is all about.

I think it took me reaching fifty to understand that. And it took a lot of painful, some exquistely so, experiences to teach me that although I cannot change the events around me, I can change my reaction to them. And isn’t that what maturity and growth are all about? Isn’t that life is all about?